Monday, October 31, 2011

268. Described viewing

Nine, eight central: It was the season premiere.
Twenty-one million people were hanging on the edge of their seats hoping to learn the fate of their hero.
It was a time for action and answers.
But the baby needed feeding, so he relayed snippets of dialogue and salient plot points while she warmed a bottle.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

267. Reunion events

Two old roommates conspired at a corner table.
They were diagramming a prank worthy of their college days.
The plan was a simple, diabolical thing of beauty, awaiting only execution.
But screw it, they decided, and ordered another pitcher of microbrew.

266. I just bought a chainsaw

My neighbour has a hundred year old oak tree.
At least he had one until I knocked it over with my truck.
I was wrestling with my new phone when it appeared out of nowhere.
The remnants of the tree are resting on his Buick.

265. Peacock feathers.

It is a misnomer that only women worry about their looks.
Men, in fact, are quite vain.
They worry frequently over the opinions of women.
This particular man had been standing in his date’s building for ten minutes, fussing about his looks in the mirror by the elevator.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

264. Hail Marys and holy water

The priest was preaching on morality.
The pews were full (ok, full-ish) of people listening intently (ok, intently-ish).
Three boys at the back were focused on a shared prayer book.
Tucked within its covers was a magazine one of them had liberated from his father’s stash.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

263. Petty criminals

Perfect crimes only exist in the movies.
This one was as close as you get in real life.
They had planned and executed the robbery of the convenience store to a tee.
Their downfall was using the store’s washroom to don their ski masks.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

262. Against the current

Christmas shopping had begun in earnest and the mall was unbearable.
He was seized with a desire to escape this seething, sweating, swarming mass of humanity.
He could see the exit to the parking garage, but couldn’t reach it.
He leapt to the underused, opposing escalator and beat a hasty retreat.

Monday, October 24, 2011

261. Revenue sharing

The man in the three-piece suit stopped.
He reached into his pocket.
As he made to hand a fistful of change to a homeless old woman, he stopped again.
He reached into his wallet and handed her a twenty.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

260. Pastries

The kitchen was a mess.
Bowls, spoons and various cooking instruments clogged the sink.
A cake sat, freshly decorated, on the counter.
The two of them stood there, like children, with frosting on their faces.

259. Holiday spirit

The air was crisp.
Department store spookiness hung over the neighbourhood in anticipation of All Hallow’s Eve.
Everywhere in the neighbourhood, except one house.
That one house was in full-scale Christmas mode, including a permanent loop of tortuous carols.

Friday, October 21, 2011

258. Old textbooks

Her shelves were filled with old textbooks.
She’d always said she might need them some day.
They had survived multiple moves, several bad breakups and a flood.
She kept them as a reminder of all she’d accomplished.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

257. Group sex

The room was dark and the bass was throbbing.
An invisible line separated the boys from the girls.
The sexual tension was palpable.
The boys began to cautiously invade enemy territory to the sounds of the Venga Boys.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

256. Now a major motion picture

She was eager to read the book; downright impatient.
Unfortunately, The Megastore where she went to buy it had nothing but movie tie-in editions.
She’d be damned if she was putting a picture of those two vacant-eyed starlets on her bookshelf.
The dog-eared copy she ended up buying came from a local used shop.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

255. An old sofa

He reached deep because she wouldn’t.
Up to his elbow, he found what he needed.
Then he found some more.
There was at least enough there to pay for the Chinese takeout, with tip.

Monday, October 17, 2011

254. Going to the bathroom on an airplane

Getting from the front to the back of a tiny plane is a little like ballet and a lot like rugby.
To get there, he had to navigate an oversized carry-on bag, a colicky baby and lady elbows deep in crossword puzzles.
He slid into the necessities closet to complete his business.
It was at that moment the plane hit a patch of rough air.

253. Barbarians at the gates

They had invaded, set up shop and made themselves comfortable.
And they’d made life miserable for their host.
Now they wanted out and they were willing to make life difficult to get what they wanted.
The result was nasal drip and a dry, hacking cough.

252. Weights and measures

There are seven fundamental units of measurement: kilogram, metre, second, ampere, candela, kelvin and mole.
These units give us a startling specific understanding of our world.
they aren’t exhaustive.
For instance, they give us no insight into the distance between the couple sitting on the couch.

251. Fast food

It had been conceived by a businessman.
It was then cooked up by the lab rats and vetted by the guys in marketing.
It was transported by a trucker and assembled by a teenager who was paid a pittance.
Then you bought that burger for less than five bucks.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

250. Ear to ear

He made the decision to smile at everyone, for a whole week.
Friends, families, pharmacists, you name it, were all met with a toothsome grin.
Some folks were  put off , or at least confused.
Most smiled back.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

249. Pizza

At the front of the line was a man purchasing four pizzas.
Were they for his family?
Perhaps they were to share with his co-workers.
Surely he wasn’t planning on eating them all.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

248. The man with two watches

I passed a man today wearing two watches.
One can only assume one of them was anchored to this time zone.
Whether the other was set to Mountain, Pacific or Venusian, no one could say.
Maybe it didn’t even work.

Monday, October 10, 2011

247. One giant leap

Man was walking on the surface of another planet, Mars.
It was monumental.
It was an unprecedented moment in human history.
And it was only on paper...for now.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

246. The remake

The actors were younger and better looking.
The effects were better.
But the movie just wasn’t as good.
It should have gone direct to video.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

245. Mnemonic devices

Hundreds of yellow sticky notes filled the wall.
It looked like the work of a mind obsessed with conspiracies.
In reality, it was every “to-do” he’d ever made from the day he turned twelve.
Some had faded, lost their stickiness and been re-attached with scotch tape.

Friday, October 7, 2011

244. Congestion

It happened to her first.
Then, three days later it was his turn.
Sneezing, sniffling, coughing and hacking filled their apartment.
It was cold season and colds were catching.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

243. Dark magic

He was summoning a demon from the darkest corner of hell to punish his tormentors.
It would take all his skill in the dark arts.
At that precise moment, his mother interrupted him for supper.
Aspiring forty-year-old warlocks should not live with their parents.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

242. Refuse

They had seen all the television storage locker programs.
They were convinced they too could find profits amid the abandoned units.
So  they went to the auction and they bid and they paid.
They were rewarded with bags of soiled baby clothes.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

241. Bump in the night

Things are different at night.
The darkness creates an unfamiliar quality in the familiar.
Take, for instance, that little dog.
From the way I reacted, you’d think it was a Rottweiler.

Monday, October 3, 2011

240. Less than total recall

It was there, just beyond the fringes.
She could almost reach it.
Almost.
If she could just remember.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

239. Changes

It was over.
Even the geese circling awkwardly on the river had been surprised by the suddenness of the change.
Fall had overtaken Summer.
It was cold and gray and dreary.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

238. Regret

The world was spinning out of control.
She shut every curtain and doused every light, hoping to regain some element of stability.
She sat in dark alone with her thoughts and regrets.
Overindulgence in wine can be a harsh mistress.