Friday, August 31, 2012

572. Man is the solution for a humdrum universe

This was his favourite among all his creations.
Seldom tended and unimportant, it never ceased to amaze him.
The machinations of the tiny cogs in the machine were as fascinating and unpredictable to him as if they had been created by someone else.
He made a note to observe their goings on more often.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

571. Hiring who you can get

The crossing guard stood in the middle of the street, but not because he was supervising a crossing.
There were no cars to be seen.
He was watching two bullies pour honey mustard on a small boy.
This wasn't in his job description.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

570. An ode to the dog who chased my car today

Listen fella - can I call you fella?
We need to talk about this afternoon.
Chasing the car like that, you scared the shit out of me.
Don't be such an asshole, fella.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

569. How to spot a body double

People often marvel at the stunts movie actors do.
Only it's look alikes, not actors, who do the dangerous stuff.
Movie studios don't like to put expensive talent in harm's way, so if you watch carefully in this next scene, you can see the switch.
That's movie magic.

Monday, August 27, 2012

568. When all the rats jump ship

While he delivered his mea culpa on national television, his sister-in-law took a taxi to the worst newspaper in the city.
The paper was the kind that printed sealed rehab documents and the grades of the children of famous people.
She told some stories that were true - from a certain perspective.
Her brother-in-law never spoke to her again.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

567. Public hangings

The lights from the cameras were unnaturally bright.
There was heat in the room; maybe from the camera, maybe from the guilt.
Everyone was watching.
All hangings are public, you know.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

566. Night moves

It was dark except for the orange light of some distant city.
They drove in the dark through the cicada-filled countryside.
They listened to rock and roll and marveled at the stars.
The man on the radio announced Neil Armstrong had died.

Friday, August 24, 2012

565. Den of thieves

It was a clubhouse, a secret lair.
They went there to scheme their schemes.
It's location was hidden.
Girls were not allowed.

564. The sounds of summer

It was the last weekend of the summer.
School was starting on Monday.
The park was filled with the sounds of families.
And velociraptors.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

563. The glorious rise of unfettered individualism

The bar let out at 4 a.m.
At the persistent urging of a bouncer he stumbled out into the back alleyway.
He vomited, spraying a sleeping homeless man with collateral damage.
Ignoring the man's protests, he wandered to the street in search of a cab.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

562. The intersection where the radio dies

The intersection of Poplar and Lisgar Streets was completely normal, traffic lights and all.
What wasn't normal was the few seconds of total radio silence each car passing through the intersection experienced.
The official explanation was localized atmospheric conditions.
In reality, its popularity as a meeting place for Norse gods, space aliens, and restless spirits created some seriously weird energy.

Monday, August 20, 2012

561. A boy and his dog

They were stalwart companions through good times and tense situations.
This was one of those tense situations.
Going, going, gone.
The dog eradicated the last bit of snow in the backyard with a steady stream of yellow vengeance - right before school, too.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

560. Spelling bees

They were a wonder of science, or a perversion of nature.
Nanotechnological manipulation turned them into a super-intelligent swarm bent to their creator's every whim.
At present, they were drafting an email.
It was a strongly worded letter to the editor.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

559. Hairy situation

The paper came at seven as it usually did.
It was sitting on the table next to a bowl of oatmeal.
The children would be up soon.
Domesticated Sasquatch checked his watch and poured some tea.

Friday, August 17, 2012

558. Correct postage

An old woman walked from her apartment building to the mailbox in the rain.
She was carrying a message for her sister.
They didn't speak anymore.
The message was addressed to her niece.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

557. The brief second life of Patricia Hampton

Lightning struck the hospital at 10:04 p.m.
It raced through the building until it reached the morgue in the basement.
The table holding the remains of Patricia Hampton coursed with electricity.
"Where am I?" she thought briefly before the current left her body and she slumped back to the table.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

556. Kernels

"Cornelius Tuck for Mr. Adams."
"Hold please."
"But I've made a breakthrough; something momentous."
"He'll have to return your call later."

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

555. Pretzels

They were crushing cars into hunks of twisted metal.
Each one was hauled to the edge of town and hoisted on to the pile.
They were creating an artificial wall.
No one was getting out.

Monday, August 13, 2012

554. The sex lives of sharks

One by one the diminutive men slipped into the water.
There were a dozen of them all told.
They crowded together in rough formation.
When the boat got up to speed, the twelve of them were balanced on two water skis.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

553. Choose your own adventure

The street was lit by a single street lamp.
A woman walked alone, trench coat gathered up around her neck.
Then she stopped.
A dozen ninjas were about to mess with the wrong lady.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

552. Zebras

Have you ever heard the sound a zebra makes?
The noise as the herd passed by was otherworldly.
They had nothing like this in Saskatchewan.
The world is a strange place, my friends.

Friday, August 10, 2012

551. Devil at the crossroads

Satan still waited at that very same crossroads.
The offers were just as sweet, but the traffic wasn't what it used to be.
It hadn't been since the big boxes went up the next township over.
His deals now targeted the minor ambitions of backwater tourists and Sunday drivers.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

550. Economies of scale

Most things get better the more of them you have.
Take all those alligators that get dumped in the sewers.
They've reached critical mass.
They're getting smarter.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

549. Foremost expert

In Season 7 Episode 4 our gang of heroes encountered a fictional rock band.
The band would appear in four more episodes over the course of the series.
Susan took it upon herself to become the World Wide Web's foremost expert on their fictional career.
You can read a detailed 'history' on her blog.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

548. Celebrity abductions

Fake real abductions were all the rage with the Hollywood well-to-do.
They'd pay thousands to be taken by surprise and ill-treated - a little.
The abductors ran a tidy, profitable cottage industry in abusing the privileged.
Profitable that is, until the tabloids got wind of a starlet drowned in a bathtub.

Monday, August 6, 2012

547. In the future everyone will have dreadlocks

It will be an alien invasion, or a natural catastrophe.
The Earth's population will be decimated but remain appropriately representative of age, gender and race.
The survivors will be dirty and dreadlocked, eking out a dystopian existence.
But, they will all have perfect white teeth.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

546. Messages from the Messiah

The residents of Stepsburgh were in a tough way.
The mill's closing had hit the town hard.
When a messiah walked (literally) out of the wilderness and down Main Street, they were overjoyed.
His message didn't go over as well: they were sorta on their own.

545. The Dark Knight Rises for his night job

The storage facility had a glass wall.
In retrospect, it seemed like an ill-advised architectural flourish.
There were some concerns it invited an undue level of attention from the criminal elements.
Someone stuck a cutout of The Caped Crusader in the window.

Friday, August 3, 2012

544. Unreleased Rob Thomas singles

When she was twenty, she flirted with a career in the music business.
A brief internship at a record label drove her back to law school in the fall.
A couple of years later, her parents downsized to a condo.
In the process, her mother threw out a box of original recordings that had never seen the light of day.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

543. The hair on your toes

It started with her toes.
Tiny bits of peach fuzz popped up everywhere.
Then little hairs started sprouting in spots.
She was changing into something different.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

542. The hate room

The room was completely empty save for two chairs.
It was painted white.
There were no windows.
It was soundproof.